Wasted Love
by twiyogachick
Summary: Can two broken people find their away back to each other? (Sensitive Subjects, HEA, NOT a cheat fic!)
1. Chapter 1

**Wasted Love  
**

 **Rating: M –** You guys know why.

 **Disclaimer:** Nothing is mine, except for my dirty thoughts and Desmemoriward.

 **Acknowledgments:** My sweet girl Re - without you this story would be locked in my computer.

This chapter is unbetaded, and english is not my first language. Please, keep that in mind.

* * *

 **CHAPTER ONE  
**

"God, I love you." I moaned loudly.

"I hope you're not talking to your bathtub again." Angela walked into my bathroom unceremoniously. I glanced sideways at her, sliding deeper into the warm water.

"Excuse me? This is true love."

She just rolled her eyes."Hey, let's go out with me. You never leave this house." My sister was dressed and ready to party – we had this conversation pretty much every weekend since she moved in with me.

"Thank you but no, thank you." Closing my eyes, I tried to ignore her - knowing that Angela wouldn't give up, and that I wouldn't change my mind.

"There are people and fun outside this household, you know?" She joked. "You could say yes to it once."

"I could," I shrugged. "But I won't."

"Yeah, Bells," She huffed, making her way out. "Enjoy your bath…"

"I will."

"… and don't wait up!" She shouted and I heard the front door closing.

"I never do." I murmured to myself, finally relaxing against the back of the bathtub. I reached for my wine glass, but before I could take a sip my phone started to ring, and I answered already annoyed by my sister's insistence.

"Angela, I'm not going out!"

"Excuse me," I unknown voice replied to my rant. "May I speak with Mrs. Isabella Cullen, please?"

The mention of my married name - as of my married status - ripped me right out of my mood. I dropped my glass into the water in the rush to cover myself, suddenly self-conscious. "Ye- Yes. It's her." I said reluctantly, stepping out of the water. "Who is this?"

"Mrs. Cullen, my name is Caroline Lee, I'm calling from the Seattle General Hospital on behalf of your husband Edward Cullen. You are listed as his emergency contact."

"Edward?" I searched blindly for my robe. "What happened?"

"Mr. Cullen was involved in an accident."

"Accident?" I mean to say it out loud, but my voice was low, filled with panic. "Is he okay? Where is…"

"Mrs. Cullen, I'm sorry. I'm not allowed to give you details about your husband's conditions over the phone, but the hospital is requesting your presence as soon as possible."

"Yes, of course." I stammered, gathering the details of the hospital before ending the call.

Taking a few steps back, I felt my knees hit the bathtub and fell limply on the edge, trying to wrap my head around the phone call I had just received. I haven't heard a word about Edward's whereabouts in almost 3 years; not a phone call, not a text or an email - just like he promised the last time we saw each other, it was like he never existed.

I had no idea he was in Seattle until now, but he was indeed - in a hospital, probably hurt, maybe even... Holding back my feelings, I scrolled through my contacts list with trembling fingers until I found Emmett's number. I had to call him.

"Dr. Emmett Cullen," He answered immediately.

"Emmett?" I said reluctant. "It's Bella."

"Bells?" Emmett's voice was full of surprise. "Is everything ok?"

"No." I sighed, gathering the courage to spill the guts while I was still able to talk. "I just got a call from Seattle General Hospital; You brother has been in an accident and was admitted there. I'm on my way, but I live in Portland now, so will take me sometime to get to Seattle."

"Edward? What? How—what happened?" Emmett stuttered and I could hear him moving around.

"I don't know anything, they couldn't give me details over the phone. Can you be there?"

"Of course, I'm leaving right now." He stayed in silence for a moment. "Bells… Why they called you?"

"I'm still his emergency contact." The tears I've been holding threatening to spill once again. "I don't know what to do, Emm."

"Breathe." He said quietly. "Let's get there before we drive ourselves crazy trying to guess what is happening, ok?"

"You're right." I took a deep breath. "I'll meet you there."

* * *

I drove aimlessly, barely able to follow the signs.

My mind was filled with images of Edward while I tried not to cry; his face smiling at me first thing in the morning, his off key voice singing with the radio while we drove down this very same road. I had to keep control, at least until I saw him again - alive. "Please God, let him be alive." I whispered, praying.

After what felt like forever, the hospital came into view and I focused again in get to Edward as fast as I could. The sound of my heels echoed through the hospital lobby as I crossed it and a middle-aged woman welcomed me from the other side of the counter.

"Can I help you?"

"Yes, please, my husband had an accident..."

"His name?" She asked, cutting me.

"Edward Anthony Cullen." She verified my identity and handed me back a badge with the word visitor written on it.

"Your husband has already been moved from the ER to a room, Mrs. Cullen."

"He-He's alive?" I whispered, grabbing the counter for stability. My legs were shaking – I was terrified to ask this question, but if they moved him to a room, he had to be. The lady smiled sympathetic at me behind her glasses, patting my hand.

"I believe he is, darling. Take the elevator down the hall, room 1880. The doctor will fill you in." Thanking her, I walked into the elevators, taking a deep breath.

The fact that I was going to see Edward after all this years was eclipsed by the fact that he was alive – that I was going to see him at all. I watched as each floor passed through, until the doors opened on the eighteenth floor and the first person that I saw was Rosalie; sporting a pregnant belly that wasn't there the last time we saw each other.

How long ago?

"Oh my god, look at you!" I cried, making Rose look at me. "You look beautiful!"

She got up, meeting me in the middle with a tight hug – as much as we could with her stomach between us. Rose made me feel welcomed from day one and our bond grew stronger with time; when I met her, she and Emmett had just got engaged. She was an amazing friend and a straightforward woman from who I could always expect the truth.

I missed her immensely, but things were really hard after the divorce – hard enough for me to need distance from everything that linked me to Edward.

"Oh shut up! I look like a whale!" She whined, hugging me. "Fuck you, Isabella!" Rose cursed, slapping my shoulder lightly and I couldn't help but smile at her - still - foul mouth. "I've missed you so much! I don't care if you left that idiot, you shouldn't have left me!"

She took a step back and her eyes were shinning with tears.

"You are right, I'm so sorry." I said, hugging her again. "I can't believe I've missed this of all things!" I looked at her belly, feeling the baby move under my hands and for a second I forgot about the shitty situation that had reunited us.

Emmett touched my shoulder, bringing me back to reality and smiling at me."Hey, Bells." He looked taller if that was possible, but he was still him, dimples and all.

"Hey you," I hugged him, noticing his bloodshot eyes. "How is he, Emm?" I looked at the door behind Emmett and realized Edward was there, six feet away from me. "Can I see him?" I asked looking at Emmett.

"He's good - much better than I thought he would be. He's stable now, sleeping." Emmett ran his hands through his hair, a habit that his brother had inherited from him and that gave me that familiar tug in my chest - the one that came every time I allowed myself to remember those little things about Edward.

"Can I see him?" I asked once again, taking a step towards the room, but Emmett stopped me before I could reach the door.

"Bella, wait. We need to talk before you see him." I frowned, confused."Just let me brief you in."

Emmett led me to the green chairs next to the nurse's station, pulling me by his side and holding my hands oh his.

"Bells, Edward's bike got hit by a truck outside Seatlle; the impact broke his right leg, two of his ribs and caused some internal bleeding, but that's not all. Edward wasn't wearing a helmet and he suffered a pretty serous concussion. Apparently, he was unconscious for some time and came back very confused." He spoke softly while I gaped, speachless. "When I got here he was established and had already been moved to a room; he was half awake and recognized me just fine, but... he asked me where you were and I knew something was wrong. Edward never talked about you, ever." My heart sinked to the floor."When I talked to the doctor, I understood what." Emmett took a deep breath, but I was still holding mine."Seems like Edward's suffering from amnesia. We don't know much about it yet; how it happened or why it's happening - as far as we know it could be a temporary situation, but… "

"What…" I tried, perplexed. "What this mean?"

"It means that somehow his brain seems to have erased part of his memories. Although he knows who he is, who we are and where he is, Edward's confused about many other things."

The next sentence that came out of Emmett's lips, turned my world upside down.

"He… he thinks that you guys are still married."

His words fell between us - my mind trying to process it all."How —how come?" I whispered back, rubbing my chest and trying to easy the ache. How could that be happening? Edward, my husband, the love of my life; completely unaware of the worst days we lived – of the things that set us apart.

"We don't know yet. As I said, he was very confused when he regained consciousness; he knew his name, but kept asking about you – so much that at first the paramedics thought that you were in the bike with him. They searched around for another person for hours." I sat in there, gaping at Emmett and trying to come up with something to say, but my voice couldn't keep up with my mind. "He didn't have any documents with him, so it took them almost 48 hours to get a hold of who he was through fingerprints. That was how they found you listed as his emergency contact."

"We never went on with the divorce." I acknowledged it in a soft voice. I've never had the strength to do it, and neither had Edward by what it seems.

"He looked so lost, Bells. When I came in, he…" He sighed, heartbroken. "He just held my hand and stared at me as if he was terrified that I was going to disappear." My eyes filled with the tears I had been holding until now, but Emmett continued. "When he wakes up tomorrow they must be able to tell us more, but right now he has to rest. Up to now, we are working under the assumption that the amnesia was caused by the trauma." He shrugged. "Until we know more though, the doctors think that we should keep the situation as... away as possible from him."

"What do you mean?" I freed his hand, sitting straight.

"When Edward wakes up, we will tell him about the accident, but not about the amnesia. At least fow a couple of days, until we've gathered more information about it." I stayed in silence – mostly because I was still unable to form actual words. "Bella, I'm aware of how… Fucked up this is, for a lack of a better word, so you got know that we would never, ever ask you to compromise yourself in this way. I know you have your own life and you don't have to be a part of his."

"How are you planning to do that without me Emm?" I snapped, resting my head between my hands, and closing my eyes for a second.

"Baby, we re worried about you as musch as we about him." Rose said muttered, touching my forearm tenderly. "We don't want you to get hurt again and if you choose going into this mess, there's a huge possibility that you will. Edward thinks that you're still his wife and he will treat as so. Are you ready for that?"

She was right, but did I really had a choice? Could I go away without seeing him? Without making sure by myself that he was alive and kicking?

I knew I couldn't.

"You guys don't have to ask me to be part of this," I said squeezing her hand. "But you know that I could never walk away from Edward like that."

"I know," she said, smiling sadly at me.

"He's my husband." I said as matter of fact and Emmett nodded, closing the subject. "Have you called your parents?" I asked, imagining how Esme – the super mom herself – wasn't here already.

"Yes, I did, but they are in London. They'll catch a red eye and be here in the morning."

"Good." Standing up, I looked at Emmett. "Emm, if that's all I would really like to see Edward now."

* * *

"He's still sedated." Emmett warned me as we approached Edward's room, again. "The doctor said that they will wake him up again in the morning."

"Ok." I whispered, stopping just outside the door to get a hold of Emm's forearm, before he could open it. "Are you sure that this is the best way, Emm?" I asked. "Lying to him?"

Emmett exhaled slowly. "I am. But try not to think about it as lying to him. We're just keeping the things he can't process right now." He turned the knob, walking ahead of me. "He will be out like a light tonight. You won't be able to speak to him."

"I don't care." I stepped in, looking for Edward and that antiseptic hospital smell hit me – something that never failed in get me sick. My stomach lurched... but then I saw him, and nothing else mattered.

As Emmett said, he was asleep. Edward looked peaceful and comfortable in the large hospital bed, but the injuries along his body told a different story: his broken leg was resting in a cast; they had shaved a big chunk of his reddish hair where now there was a wide bandage across the right side of his skull."Oh my god, baby." The words escaped me as I got closer, my voice broken. "What have you done?" His hands and arms had bruises and burns from the impact as far as I could see; his broken ribs were wrapped up, and there were thin tubes and a large IV coming out of his forearm. I could hear the faint bip of the machines behind the bed monitoring his vitals and even though I knew I shouldn't touch him, I couldn't resist stretching my hand to hold his.

The fire that had kindled inside of me when I realized that he was alive was now burning everything - all my reservations, all my regrets and it felt like not even a day had gone by. His hands were warm and I let myself be invaded by his warmth; love, sadness and relief crashed wave after wave.

He was here, alive; he would open those big green eyes, smile at me and joke about the fact that I was wearing high heels in a hospital.

My tears now were running freely.

In that moment, there was only one thing I was sure about it: I could learn to live in a world were Edward wasn't part of my life, but I couldn't live in a world were Edward didn't exist.

I had no idea how long I stayed there, just crying and holding Edward's hand but Emmett let me be. "I'm sorry, Emm." I said, whipping my tears and trying to recompose myself. "I'm just…"

"Don't worry about it."

"He will be ok, right?" I turned around, searching for assuredness.

"The doctors feel really hopeful about his…" He started but I stopped him.

"I don't want to know how they feel about it, Emm. I want to know how you feel about it. You're the one doctor that I trust."

"The worst part is over, we just weren't here too see." Emm said, stepping closer."Edward is healthy, young, his body is healing fast after the surgeries and that's a good sign. I'm trying not to worry about the amnesia until we have a position from a neurologist." He sighed deeply. "It won't be easy, but I think he will be fine."

"Thank you." I mumbled, hugging his arm and resting my head on his shoulder. I missed Emmett – and I never gave so much value to his degrees as I did right now.

We stayed in silence, until Rose knocked on the door. "May I come in?" She peeked through the door.

"Of course, come in." Emmett said, extending her hand and pulling her closer. "You're tired? We had a long day."

"I'm fine." She answered, delivering a big controversial yawning right after, and making us laughed out loud.

"You two should go home." I said, getting closer and caressing Rose's belly.

"No -"

"That's not necess—" I stopped them both, raising a hand.

"What can you guys do in here? Emmett said himself: Edward will only be up by morning. Go home and rest, because tomorrow will be so much more eventful."

They didn't say anything back, and I knew I had won the round. There was no reason why the three of us should spend the night awake.

"Are you staying the night?" Rose smiled, tired.

"I'm not going anywhere."

"I didn't tough you would." Her hands covered mine and we smiled fondly at each other. "Do you want me to bring you a fresh change of clothes?"

"I'll have Angela to do it, I still have to call her." Emmett got up, getting their coats while Rose hugged me again.

"Use this time alone to think, ok?"

"I will," I promised, letting her go, and Emmett kissed my cheek.

"Call me if anything changes. My phone will be right next me. I'll pick mom and dad at airport, than head back in the morning."

"Don't worry. We'll be fine." I said, walking them to the door. "Rest. You've to deal with mother tomorrow."

Sighing, Emmett closed the door behind them - Esme wasn't anyone's piece of cake. I got back to Edward, bringing the plastic chair by the door with me, so I could sit by his side.H is chest moved lightly and I focused on the movement letting my mind wander. My life had change irrevocably in the last few hours, and yet I had the feeling that this was only the beginning.

Suddenly the weight of this day fell over me; work had been crazy and my plans of a relaxing night in, looked like an unreal dream right now - my husband almost got himself killed, and the consequences were so huge that I couldn't even begin to think about it.

Resting my head over our joined hands the bed, I let sleep claim me.

* * *

Someone opened the door, waking me up with a startle. I lifted my head in a quick movement and tried to situate myself in this strange room; the hospital smell hit me once again and everything that happened last night came back in a flash.

I sat up straight, wide awake.

My back was hurting from the position that I had spent the night – sleeping/sitting on the chair besides Edward's bed, with my head lying close to his chest on the mattress.

"Good morning," Mrs. Beckett, the nurse, said softly entering the room. We've met during the night rounds. "I didn't mean to disturb you, but I do need to check on Mr. Cullen."

"Of course." I got out of her away, waiting in the corner and watching intently while she checked him.

"Dr. Volturi is wearing off the medication," She said, checking something over the monitors. "He should be up soon."

"Ok, thank you." I rubbed my eyes, lightheaded by the lack of decent sleep. I really needed coffee.

"You should eat something, Mrs. Cullen." She said, smiling. "We have a cafeteria on the 5th floor. He'll be ok by himself for a few minutes."

"Bella, please, Mrs. Cullen is my mother-in-law." I answered automatically, and almost stopped mid sentece when I realized it. I'ts been years since I answered anyone like that. "It's ok, I don't want to leave him alone. There's a coffee machine around?"

"Down the hallway." Thanking her, I made my way out of the room, to the coffee the first sip – even this shitty coffee would have to do - I stretched, walking around for a second and watching the m orning through the windows.

I had no idea when Emmett would be back, but I knew they would bring Esme with him and I wasn't looking forward to that. I've always tried my best to not think about Esme as a bad person; she was an over protective mother – especially of Edward, and naturally suspicious about any girl in their lives. Once she realized that we were serious about each other, though, she warmed up and we lived in peace.

That lasted until I left Edward.

Of course she was blindsided - besides the fact that Esme was unaware of all the facts that led our marriage to an end, she had to watch her son suffer - and I knew he suffered, as much as I did.

My mind couldn't help but wander back to our last morning together.

 _"_ _Is that what you want?" Edward asked, standing on the edge of the bed._

 _My things were packed when he woke up. I had come for an empty house again last night, but for the last time._ _We hardly even talked; he was in the office as much as he could, and t_ _his house was no longer our home._

 _"_ _Is that what you want, Bella?"_ _He insisted, getting closer._

 _I wanted to shout that 'NO, THAT WAS NOT what I wanted;_ _I wanted to talk, maybe work out this thing that was slowly killing us both –that had killed our marriage, b_ _ut I hadn't the strength within me anymore._ _I was tired of feeling like drowning - trying to keep my head above the water._

 _I was tired, period._

 _"_ _I can't do this anymore." I whispered, avoiding his eyes._

 _"_ _You don't have to leave" He said, after a beat. "I'll stay with Emm."_ _My eyes filled with tears at his words._

 _That was it: he had given up of us too._

 _"_ _No," I said, my throat suddenly dry. "I can't stay in this house without you. I'll go."_

 _I barely turned around before I felt his hand on my forearm._

 _"_ _Bella," He said low. "Don't go."_ _I looked down at his fingers on my skin, relishing in the feeling one last time._

 _Letting it go, I picked up my bags and whispered._ _"_ _I'm sorry. I have to."_

"How did we messed up this bady, baby?" I whispered, staring at the window, still lost on the past.

"Bella?" My trip down memory lane was interrupted by Nurse Beckett calling my name; I turned around to find her head peeking out of the room. "Your husband is awake."


	2. Chapter 2

**Wasted Love**

 **Rating: M -** You guys know why.

 **Disclaimer:** Nothing is mine, except for my dirty thoughts and Desmemoriward.

 **Acknowledgments:** To my homegirl, Rê, you know I love you.

This chapter was betaded by the sweet EdwardsFirstKiss. Thank you very much! English is not my first language, please keep that in mind.

 **A/N:** Hey, I have a few points to clear with y'all, so let's do it.

\- This is not a cheat fic. I had this question a lot in the reviews so you guys should know that I don't write cheat fics.  
\- I can't thank you enough for the love you all have shown me. I have more than 20 twilight stories not published and not even for a second I tought I would get so much support. Thank you! 

* * *

**CHAPTER TWO**

The air left my lungs as I stood in the hospital coridor.

"So soon?" I asked with a frown, walking with trembling legs in Nurse Beckett's direction.

"I tried to coax him to sleep more, but hes very anxous, and keeps asking for you."

"It's ok, I'll get him to sleep." Stopping to breathe for a second, I put on a brave face before entering the room - and there he was, eyes searching for me.

My heart ached at the thought of not being here when he woke up.

"I'm ok." He said before I asked anything, making me laugh despite everything around us. "Where have you been?"

Three years without hearing his voice - it felt like a whole lifetime.

He was looking at me with those big green eyes that I remembered so well, and his direct question sped up my heartbeat; hiding - I should say, but I just smiled instead, walking closer to the bed.

"I was sleeping uncomfortably in this chair right beside you." I lamely tried to sound funny to make him smile. It worked; he gave me a sweet smile, extending his hand.

"Come here, baby." Edward groaned and with one swift pull I found myself half lying above him, his free arm wrapped around me. I melted in his embrace, his warmth, the feeling of him.

After all these years, I finally felt whole again.

"I'm so confused..." He continued, whispering in my hair and my heart sank at his words. "And my ribs are killing me."

"I know," I said, sitting and regarding him softly. If the situation was crazy to me, I could only imagine how it felt for him. "It's okay to be confused; you've been through a lot. You'll feel better after you rest a little more. You were very lucky, I..." My voice cracked. "I can't even think about what could have happened."

"What did happen?" He asked, and I noticed how grumpy he was. "I don't remember much and nobody tells me shit." Edward looked so lost and tired; I knew we should not have any conversation this soon... but I couldn't keep him in the dark, at least not completely. I knew that he wouldn't go back to sleep without at least trying to understand what was happening, it didn't matter how medicated he was.

"You were riding your bike outside the city and were hit by a truck." I spoke slowly. "You hit your head, broke your right leg and a few ribs, so of course you are sore and confused. That's it." I held his face gently between my hands. "And nobody tells you shit, because you don't need to worry, you need to rest. Ok?"

"Ok." Edward nodded, eyes focused on mine. His hands covered my hands, this crazy connection between us putting all my nerves on alert. He stared at me, really looking at me. I couldn't remember the last time that he had looked at me like that - like he could really see me. "It's so good to see you, baby." Edward said, echoing my thoughts. "Feels like I haven't kissed you in forever."

The tears won out again. Turning his head, he kissed my wrist; his beard – fully grown now, something that had definitely changed – tickling me.

"You're right" I whispered, getting close enough to rest my forehead on his. "You haven't kissed me in forever."

"Don't cry, baby." Edward wiped my tears with his free hand, pressing his lips to mine. "I love you."

Those three little words were like an earthquake, reverberating inside of me and putting my world back into place - I had to have faith in this: that we could fix whatever there was between us.

"I love you, too." I whispered to his mouth, moving my lips with his. "So much." His lips were soft and warm and when his tongue touched mine, I lost my deepened the kiss; he tried to pull me closer and I heard him groan. "Edward, behave!" I chided, getting away from him and forcing him to lie properly. "You have to slow down."

He huffed, taking a deep breath, moving his leg slightly. "I hate this shit."

"I know," I sat beside him, caressing his face laughing at his moodiness. "You're very grumpy today."

"I'm sorry," He said, closing his eyes under my touch. "I'm very… frustrated."

"Don't be sorry. I like to know how you are feeling."

"I'm better now." His face in opposition of his words, showed how worn down he actually was.

"You should rest." I insisted, running my hands over his forehead, delighting on the feeling of his skin beneath my fingers. "Your body needs time to recover."

"I know," He sighed. "I just… missed you."

"I'll be right here when you wake." I said softly, trying to not focus on his words. "Your parents are on their way."

"Yeah?" Edward smiled, lifting an eyebrow. "Where's my mom?"

"I left Emmett to deal with her." I smiled back.

"Smart girl," Edward tugged on my hand, holding it in his. "Where is he?"

"He'll be back." I murmured, giving him as little information as possible. "Rest," I repeated. "The doctor will be here soon and you will be thoroughly poked and prodded." I gave him a teasing smile. "Enjoy your sleep while you can."

Edward pulled my hand to his lips, smiling softly and kissing my palm - and my eyes filled with unwashed tears by his gesture, so characteristic of Edward. He was kissed my hand all the time - it didn't ever fail in make me feel worshiped, loved.

"You're always right, baby." He whispered, closing his eyes as I sat beside him, while he slowly drifted off.

"Not always." I whispered back to a sleeping Edward, my tears falling heavily. I've probably cried more in the last few hours, than I had in my entire life. "What is wrong with me?" I wondered, resting my head in my hands.

"That's ok," The nurse said from behind me, startling the hell out of me; I had completely forgotten about her presence. "It's normal to be emotional after a loved one goes through a trauma like your husband has. Don't be hard on yourself."

Nodding,I got up and sat on the couch, watching him slowly fall asleep.

"Being close to death often puts things in perspective. Allow yourself to feel, its part of the healing process for both of you." She smiled kindly at me."Can I get you anything?"

"No, thank you, I'm ok, just emotional." I offered as an excuse.

"Dr. Jane will be here soon." With a smile she made her way out, closing the door swiftly behind her.I rested my head on the back of the couch, a crescent migraine boring its way into me.

It felt like the world had stopped and we were suspended in time, living an alternative reality; I had no idea of how to deal Edward's amnesia, or with this shitload of feelings that I couldn't ignore any longer.

When I left him I was convinced of my decision. I couldn't live in a dead marriage any longer, no matter how much we loved each other; we had lost faith, hope for more. Shit happens - we can't explain or predict, and I settled into believing that what happened between us was beyond repair.

At least until now; the possibility of losing Edward forever was a game changer. It didn't matter how convinced I was when I packed my bags and left him three years ago: right now, sitting in this hospital room and looking at his beautiful face, it didn't felt right; I couldn't help but feel that I'd made a terrible mistake.

* * *

The doctor came in about an hour after Edward had fallen asleep again; I was still watching him from my spot on the couch. Dr. Jane Volturi was a young, blonde woman, who looked very professional.

"It's nice to meet you, Dr. Volturi," I said shaking her hand once she introduced herself. "My name's Isabella Cullen, I am Edward's wife." She smiled, getting closer to the bed to grab his chart.

"Call me Dr. Jane, please. Has he woken up yet?"

"He was awake about an hour ago, but he looked pretty beat so I coerced him to go back to sleep."

"As he should, his body is still recovering from the physical trauma." She said without taking her eyes from the notes. "Your husband is a very lucky man. The internal bleeding has subsided, which was my biggest worry."

"What about the amnesia?" I felt so lost in what this concerned.

"Well Mrs. Cullen that is a bit more complicated," She said turning around and looking me in the eyes. "Temporary memory loss is to be expected - it's not unusual for trauma patients."

"So it was caused by the trauma?"

"We can't guarantee that but, we are working under that assumption." She explained. "Later today when I have the results of his exams in hand, two specialists will take a look at Mr. Cullen. Together, we will be able to gather more information about your husband's situation." I nodded in agreement, wishing Emmett or Carlisle were here to ask the right questions. "I'll be back to check on him when I make my evening rounds. A nurse will be around to watch Mr. Cullen, so please let her know if you two need anything."

Dr. Jane left, and I felt my phone buzzing in my pocket, where it had been forgotten since last night; there were two missed calls from home and a text from Emmett letting me know that his parents would be here by noon.

Great, three hours until I had to face my dearest mother-in-law.

Giving Edward a glance before walking out of the room, I paced in the hall waiting for my sister to pick up her phone, which she didn't.

Sighing, I dialed home, hoping that Angela was there.

"Hello?" She answered after a few moments.

"Hi, Angie."

"Hey sis, what's up," Angie said. "I've called you a few times."

"Didn't you get my messages?" I asked, alerted by her light tone.

"No, my phone was dead when I got home last night, and I have no idea where it is. I have the biggest hangover of my life." She sighed. "Do you need me at the studio today? I was hoping I could just stay home."

Well, this was going to be interesting. "Angela, I'm not working. I'm at Seattle General Hospital, with Edward."

* * *

For the first time in my adult life, I've rendered Angela Swan speechless.

Well, almost.

"No fucking way." Even after I told her the whole story – twice – she still couldn't believe in everything that was happening.

"It's true; I've been here all night."

"Holy fuck!"

"I know."

"And what?" Angie's voice was getting higher by the word. "You guys let him believe that things are like they used to be three, four years ago?"

"For now, at least." I murmured. "Until the doctors can gather more information about everything that's going on. It won't be for long, I think."

"Bells, you two aren't a couple anymore."

"It's not that simple." I tried to reason. "Edward lost part of his memories; even if we don't know how long this is going to last, the parts that he does remember about his life are with me. He would expect to see me by his side, no one else."

"Bella, are you sure you can do this?" She murmured, worried. "It took a year before you were able to say his name out loud again."

I rested my forehead against the wall. "I can't just leave him like that, Ang. Not when he needs me the most."

A beat had passed before she replied.

"You did once." Her words causing the effect they meant.

"I know," I whispered back. "But things changed."

"Sorry sis," Angie said fondly. "I won't sugarcoat it for you. I've never given you my insight in all this because I never felt like it was my place - but I love you and I think you need to hear it now; you and Edward were both aware and equal participants in the end of your marriage. I know you tend to blame yourself but hear me out: you both chose to give up."

She was right of course; we both had given up, long before I left Edward.

"The fact that you chose not to involve our family in your problems, doesn't mean that it didn't hurt to watch you pretend to be strong and suffer alone because of him for the last years." I sat in silence, listening. "So baby, you better be doing this for yourself. Otherwise, it's just not worth it."

"I almost lost him... For good. Forever." I said in a small voice and Angela sighed through the phone.

"It's your call, Bells; I think you should proceed with caution but you know I have your back, no matter what. "

"I know. I love you for that." I said, thankful.

"I love you too. Do you know what you're doing?"

"No." I said without thinking twice, making her laugh.

"Do you need me with you?"

"I'ts ok. Emmett will be back soon, with their parents. "

"Esme is coming?" Angela scoffed. "Then I'm coming too."

We said our goodbyes, Angie promising she would be here in a couple of hours.

Her words danced around my head: did I know what I was doing? This was a completely unpredictable, unbelievable situation that had brought us together again, but that would most likely to leave me with a broken heart - again. There was so much I didn't know; about our time apart, about Edward's condition, about how much of the things we didn't say back then would still be between us now and I could overthink this forever.

So, in a new move, I decided to give myself a break and not overthink anything right now.

* * *

When I walked back into the room, Edward was awake once again, looking around - for me, I guess; as soon as his eyes settled on me, he smiled.

"Hi," I said, getting closer. "You should be sleeping."

"I'm tired of sleeping," He frowned, extending his bruised hand.

"Yeah?" I smiled sitting on his bed, close enough to frame his face with my hands. "How do you feel?"

"I'm ok," He sighed. "Sore."

"I bet," I said pulling his hair – what he had left of it - away from his face. "Do you remember why you are here?"

"Yes," He tried to sit up in the bed, hissing and giving up when his ribs protested. "I hit a bike outside the city. I broke my leg, my ribs and my head."

"No baby," I said calmly. "You were on the bike. You were the one who was hit."

"What?" He glanced confused at me. "Since when do I have a bike?"

"Since a few months ago, Edward." I lied. "I surprised you on your birthday." Edward always wanted a bike, but I never allowed one in our house - for obvious reasons as anyone could see.

"I should remember this." He said consternated, a crease showing between his eyebrows.

"Baby, look at me." I said, locking his eyes. "It's ok. Is completely normal after a trauma like yours to be confused about things, everything will come back." The words came in a flow, stronger and sure, surprising myself. Edward closed his eyes breathing deeply, resting his head. "Edward," I said again and he opened his eyes. "It's ok, I'm here. I love you."

His gaze softened. "I love you too." He said, smiling. "Thank you for the bike."

I couldn't help but laugh - he always said the most unexpected things.

"You're welcome dear," I kissed him, twice, laughing. "But I'm taking it back."

"Ok," he laughed lightly. His good arm hugged me, keeping me close as he buried his nose in my neck. "You smell so good," He said. "Like bubblegum."

Smiling, I sat up straight."Well, I was taking a very relaxing bath before I received a very disturbing call from the ER." I frowned playfully.

"I'm sorry," He said, holding my hand. "I didn't mean to cause you any worry."

"It's ok," I said squeezing his fingers.

"I can't remember anything." He frowned, looking at our joined hands. "Not the crash, not what I was doing before, or where I was... It's so weird. Like 've a cloud over my mind."

"Yeah baby, I'm sorry." I caressed his face. "It will get better. You have to rest and give it some time."

Edwards just stared at me. "You look different." He said, making my heartbeat race again.

"Different how?" I said forcing a smile.

"Different," He stated, shrugging. "Kind of... older."

I smiled at his lack of manners.

"Well, thank you very much." I said, playing offended.

"Bella," He rolled his eyes, "You are beautiful, you should hear this…"

"… Every day." I finished his line. He always said it to me, every day."And I do, my husband is a smart man." Edward smiled warmly at me, making my heart double-sized.

"That I am." We stayed in silence for a few minutes.

"I have probably aged older since that call," I finally said, making him look at me. "I've never been so scared, Edward."

"I'm ok, Bella." He smiled, shaking his head, but I hadn't said everything I wanted to.

"Please hear me out, I almost lost you." My voice craked on the last words. "My whole world is upside down."

"Mine too," He murmured, nodding.

"I know," I smiled through the tears that were falling, again. "Everything changed, Edward. Every small thing seems so… Smaller."

"I get it baby," He said, desperately trying to wipe away the tears that scaped me. "Please don't cry."

"I'm so sorry," I said, tears pouring down and regrets pouring out. "For everything."

"Baby, shut up." He said kissing my lips, my face and my tears. "This was not your fault."

"I know, I know." I knew had to stop this meltdown or I would ended up saying things I was not ready to explain. "I'm sorry, I'm too emotional."

"I love you." He said, holding my hand against his chest and I realized how much his heartbeat had increased.

I really had to control myself. "I love you too," I pecked him lightly, twice. "I'm so glad you are alive."

"Me too." He whispered. "Lay down with me." His hospital bed was clearly not made for the both us - but he had that lost little boy look and I wanted to do everything that I could to make him feel safe. I took off one heel and then the other, hearing his laugh when he realized what I was wearing. "I swear to God, nothing can separate you from your shoes. It's a symbiotic relationship."

"Such big words for such a damaged head." I hopped up beside him on the bed while he laughed lightly, touching his ribs. "It hurts?" I asked, resting my head on his extend arm, and deeping my face on his skin, smelling him with a smle.

"When I laugh it does." He smiled. "It's worth it though." Kissing my nose, Edward sighed deeply closing his eyes.

I watched him for a while, memorizing every one of his features and before I realized it, my lids got heavier, and I fell asleep too.

* * *

I woke up disoriented. I tried to get up but when I leaned on the body next to me – Edward – and he whined, things came back. I looked at him alarmed but he still was deeply asleep.

"Hey," Emmett said, startling me from the foot of the bed.

"Hey," I whispered, swiftly detangling myself from Edward. "What time is it?" I got off the bed, running my hands through my hair.

"Almost noon." Oh my God, the Cullens! I looked alarmed at him. "Relax," Emmett said. "My parents aren't here yet. Rose went to get them."

"Oh thank God." I collected my shoes off the floor and sat on the couch. "Playing the grandkid card, are we?"

"I use what I have." Emmett shrugged, smiling widely.

"How long have you been here?" I asked when he came to sit by my side.

"An hour or so. Dr. Jane stopped by, but you two were sleeping as if you haven't slept in years. She didn't want to disturb you, so she just filled me in."

"You should have woken me up, Emm!" I said, embarrassed.

"Don't be silly," He dismissed me. "How is he?"

"Confused." I said looking at Edward. "He's waking up and realizing that he doesn't remember a lot of things, but until now I have been able to dismiss him."

"Good," He nodded. "It won't work for long, though. He's too smart for his own good." I agreed - worried about how long we could protect him. "Dr. Jane will be back in a couple of hours with a neurologist and a psychiatrist. She alredy has his results, so hopefully we will know more about his condition now."

I was lightheaded from my nap with Edward and I remained silent, listening to Emmett.

"He asked about you," I said. "He asked what happened and I told him about the accident."

"Did he remember anything?"

"No," I said, getting up. "He was in a bad mood but surprisingly calm."

"Well, you were here." Emmett shrugged as if that fact alone made all the difference. I smiled sadly at his statement, a huge feeling of emptiness building in. What would happen to me when all of this came to an end? "What's wrong?" Emmett asked, holding my hands when big fat tears started to pouring out.

"This one is going to hurt really bad when it ends." I said looking down. "I can't help but feel like he is going to flip the fuck out when he finds out the truth about our relationship. I don't stand a chance, Emm."

Emmett folded me in his arms.

"Bells, that's just not true." He whispered. "My brother is crazy about you, he has always been."

"I hope that's enough." I said, wiping my tears.

"It will be ok. C'mon, let me buy you a coffee."

We walked to the coffee machine in silence. We had a rough battle ahead us: Esme would be no piece of cake.

"I've been crying my heart out, since yesterday. It's like a river I can't stop." I whined, making Emmett laugh.

"I've been living with a pregnant woman for 30 weeks. There's no amount of crying that scares me anymore." I laughed at him. "It's normal, will get better."

"That's what everyone keeps saying." Didn't felt like it, tho. He handed me a hot cup of coffee and walked me to the chairs besides the elevator."When they called me yesterday," I started as we sit. "My mind went blank. The only thing I could think was to call you."

"You did right," He nodded. "I'm glad you called me. I haven't heard from my brother for a few months." That startled me - Emmett and Edward used to be like a pair of thieves; I couldn't imagine a time where they hadn't talked on a regular basis. Emmett shrugged. "Edward has been a whole different person since you left, Bells." He said looking down. "He sold the company, the apartment and went to Tokyo for work for what was supposed to be an year, but stayed in Asia for the last two. But... He was finally coming back, you know? He came home a few months ago, talking about opening a new business in Seattle and I tough that thing were finnaly going back to normal, even thought he remaneid pretty distant. He used to call me from time to time, showing up at some occasions." He sighed defeated. "But after he learned about Rose's pregnancy, I didn't hear from him anymore."

I sat there, trying to stop the hole that was growing in my chest while I heard about Edward's whereabouts. I knew I had lost the boy I loved along the way – but I hoped he was still in there, somewhere, when I left.

"I don't know what to say, Emm." I whispered, and our eyes locked.

"It's not your fault, Bella, it was Edward's choice." He shrugged again. "It was just the way things were. I'm sorry for both of you." We looked at each other for another moment and I had a glimpse of how much Emmett had been hurt too.

Edward and I tried to control the effects of our separation – what we failed to realize was that the way we affected other was beyond our control.

The door of the elevators opened, ending our moment and revealing a breathless Angela."Bells," She smiled when her eyes landed on me and I got up, engulfed by her arms in the next second. "How are you?" I hugged my sister, relieved feeling a pair of friendly arms.

"Thank you for being here." I said to her shoulder.

"Don't thank me," She looked at me, checking me out. "How is he?"

"He's good. Stable, but confused." I smiled sadly.

"That's natural." Emmett appeared by her side and they greeted each other while my attention once again returned to the sound of the elevator doors opening.

From there, led by a very pregnant Rosalie, Esme emerged. It took her a minute to notice me, but her reaction did not disappoint.

"What is she doing in here?" She hissed, looking straight at me.

Well, well... Here we go.


	3. Chapter 3

**Wasted Love**

 **Rating: M -** You guys know why.

 **Disclaimer:** Nothing is mine, except for my dirty thoughts and Desmemoriward.

 **Acknowledgements:** To Re, who always has my back.

This chapter is unbetaded, and English is not my first language. Please, keep that in mind.

 **A/N:** Hello, it's been a long time. Life has consistely kicked my ass for the past year, but as things fall back into place, I felt like we should get this story done. I haven't give up on it - hope you guys haven't too. Thank you very much!

* * *

 **CHAPTER THREE**

"Emmett, what is she doing here?" Esme inquired calmly as Carlisle stood uncomfortable behind her.

"It's nice to see you too, Esme." I intended to be polite, but my tone gave away my irritation.

"Mom, please." Emmett pleadd, but I interrupted him.

"It's ok, Emm. Why don't you go ahead and fill your parents in?" He nodded.

"I'm going to see my son." Esme stated, walking towards the room.

"Esme wait, please." I put myself between her and the door and she eye-bitched me from head to toe.

"Are you trying to keep me from seeing Edward?"

"Of course not," I said, eye-bitching her right back; with Esme I had to make myself heard, loud and clear. "It's merely a suggestion for you to talk to Emmett first, for Edward's sake."

She glanced briefly at me, considering my words before turning her attention to Emmett. "What is so important that can't be said after I am by Edward's side?"

I had no idea how Emmett would delivered the news for their parents - I knew I couldn't.

"Mother, I'm sorry." He motioned to the chairs, sitting and waiting for her to sit by his side – she didn't. Emmett sighed deeply. "I didn't want to scare with both over the phone, but Edward's accident was more severe than I lead you to believe." Esme's face blanched as she got a hold of Carlisle hand, sitting carefully in the chair besides her son.

I was paralyzed – I didn't want to be here, but I couldn't find the will to move.

"Let's give them some privacy." My sister pulled me away.

When we reached Edward's room, I turned around to peek, not knowing what to expect from Esme. Would her eyes be filled with the usual superiority?

But it was not what I found; when our sights crossed, Esme looked sad, lost, desperate - all feelings that I could identify in myself. I could see the tears in her eyes while Emmett spoke to her. Watching Esme in that moment, it didn't mattered how much I dreaded the woman: I couldn't help but feel that we were on the same boat.

* * *

Angela didn't want to go into Edward's room. She decided to go to the cafeteria and get us something to eat, but I suspected that she was still not ready to see him like that; they became great friends through our marriage.

 _How easy it was to forget how many people were affected by our choices._

Letting the world outside for a minute, I slipped quietly into his room while he was still asleep. His chest moved slowly with the rhythm of his breath and that alone made me relax; I sat by his side on the bed, running my hand through his hair - I always loved to watch him asleep.

I missed him every day. From the moment I left, I knew that forget about him was the hardest thing I would ever have to do.

 _We collapsed side by side on the kitchen floor, exhausted, ignoring the smell of our burned, long forgotten dinner._

" _Good lord," Edward puffed trying to catch his breath, his fingers running through his lips. "Am I bleeding? I think I'm bleeding."_ _I laughed, untangling our legs and putting my bra back into place._

 _"Where are my panties?" I asked, trying to sit up to find it._

" _Hey," Edward smiled, grabbing my hips and preventing me from getting up. He pulled me back to him and turned me around, spooning me. "Cuddles." He mumbled, kissing the spot between my shoulders and I hugged him a little tighter, smiling and enjoying the feeling of him wrapped around me._

 _I really liked him._ _I didn't plan to be this involved with anyone, but things between us seem to just happen on their own - without mind my plans. Every date, every stolen moment together, got me more and more attached to this thing we're doing._

" _That sounded happy." Edward smiled when I sighed, his finger tracing the outline of my body._

" _It was," I smiled back. "What you did with your hands…" Pulling his hand from my stomach, I caressed and kissed his fingers. "Just amazing,"_

" _You are amazing." He murmured and I turned around._

" _You too." I got closer, kissing him once, twice. Edward held me down, deepening our kiss and letting his hands roam through my body again. I forgot about the world exactly when my watch went off, loudly._

" _Oh, I have to go," I pecked him lightly, trying to get away from him "I've to work baby, you know."_

" _No...!" He whined when I got up, letting him on the floor. "Stay!"_

 _I ran to the bathroom, collecting my clothes on the way. When I got out, dressed and decent – as much as I was going to be after Edward's shenanigans - he was waiting for me in the foyer._

" _I've called a cab for you." He handed me my purse. I smiled at his gentleman ways, kissing his lips to thank him after he helped me into the coat._

" _You didn't have to, I could've ride the bus." He dismissed me, smiling._

" _When can I see you again?" Edward's hands cycled my waist, putting another smile on my face. I loved that he was as eager to be with me, as I was to be with him._

 _"Well, I'm free most week nights." I beamed wrapping my hand around his neck. I usually worked at the bar from thrusday to sunday, and most holidays._

 _"Actually..." He mumbled. "I wondered if you could get the saturday off at work."My brother is holding a gathering, on the new place him and his grlfriend just got._ _I mean," He scratched his neck nervously. "I know it's only been a couple of weeks but I would like you to meet him."_

 _I've never saw Edward anxious, and it was kind of cute. I smiled at him, without saying anything and the taxi honked outside._

" _Yeah, I'm not good at this." He said smiling embarrassed when our eyes met._

" _You're better than you think you are." I laughed, pulling him by his shirt and kissing him. "I know it's only been a couple of weeks, but I'd love to meet him too."_ _Edward gave me a million dollars worth smile and kissed me deeply - making me want to forget work and just stay right here forever._ _"Why do I feel like you're going to break my heart?" I said, when he interrupted our kiss to breath, staring into his green eyes._

" _I won't." He said back, watching me mindfully._

 _Kissing him one last time I opened the door, not knowing if he really was going to break me, but knowing damn well I would let him._

The door opened behind me and I turned around to see Emmett entering the room, followed close by Esme e Carlisle.

She wasn't crying anymore, but her red nose was enough evidence of it.

"Holy Jesus," Esme murmured in a broken voice, getting closer to Edward. "What was he thinking?" She ran her hands over his neck, cheeks, and forehead.

"He wasn't." Carlisle whispered behind her, touching Edwards hand lightly. His voice full of such a strange resignation, that made me look over to Emmett in a silent question. He just smiled sadly at me, but it felt like I had missed something.

"How is he?" Esme said softly, without looking up from her spot on the other side of the bed. It took me a minute to realize that she was talking to me.

"He's very confused." I said, taking a stepping closer. "He's in pain, but you know Edward: he's already talking and being sweet. The doctors believe that the worst is over, so…" I trailed down, shrugging.

"He almost gave me a heart attack this time." Esme ran her hand over Edward's face once again and his lids fluttered, opening slowly.

He looked around startled for a second, his mind adjusting to this strange place until his eyes finally focused on me.

"Hi..." I smiled getting closer. "Your family is here,"

"Hi," He answered sleepily, blinking slowly. "I need coffee." His non sequitur wish made everyone in the room laugh out loud and Esme approached him.

"What a way to make your mom feel good about herself."

"Hi, Ma." Edward said looking at her, his face splitting in a smile that he only used when he was in trouble with her, or with me.

"Oh boy, don't you try to use that smile on me." She warned, pointing a finger at him, but the emotion on her voice betrayed her.

"I'm sorry," He said catching her hand in his. "Don't cry mom, I'm ok."

"Thank god you are." She bent kissing his forehead. "Don't ever do that to me again."

"I won't," He vowed and Esme smiled again, giving space for Carlisle to see him.

"How are you feeling, son?" He patted Edward's cheek, examining him quickly with his eyes.

"I'm fine, Dad." Edward made an effort to sit straighter in bed. "Sore and a bit confused."

"That's ok," He said, squeezing Edward's shoulder. "We will take care of you." Carlisle took a step back, getting a hold of Edwards chart in the foot of the bed. Edward's eyes ran from me to Esme a couple times.

"Baby, I'm thirsty." Esme body's tensed with Edward's term of endearment but, wisely, she didn't say anything.

"I'll fetch you something." I made my way out of the room.

* * *

Angela and Rose sat side by side on the hallway chairs and after I informed the nurse that my husband was wake and thirsty, I joined them.

"Hi darling," Rose smiled. "How are things in there?"

"As good as they can be I guess. I'm giving them a few minutes."

"How are you?" Angela asked.

"Happy, confused." I shrugged. "Tired."

"Do you guys know any further information about the amnesia?"

"Not yet, but the specialists are coming by this afternoon, so maybe then." Angela nodded and we just stayed in silence for a while.

"This is all so big." Rosalie started. "Serious than I thought it was, when we got your call."

"Yes." I agreed. "I only realized it how serious it was when Edward woke up. He looked at me like he hadn't since…." My voice faded, not able to really say the words; I shrugged, my eyes welling up.

"Hey," Angela touched my arm. "Enough with the crying, you're not like that."

"Apparently I am now; I've been crying my eyes out for the last 24 hours." I wiped my face, taking a deep breath. "I don't think I can put in words how it feels to having him back in my life, especially in this situation."

"And you don't have to." Rose smiled warmly at me. "You don't have to overthink this right now, do it what fells right."

"I'm trying," I said. "I am almost as confused as he is."

"That's ok, babe." Angela patted my back.

"Bella?" I heard my name and whirled to spot Carlisle watching us from the door of Edward's room. "He's asking for you."

"Don't you guys want to see him?" I said getting up.

"Emmet and I decided that I shouldn't see him right now, it may be too much. I'm too far along." Rosalie smiled sadly.

"I'll stay here with Rosalie." Angela smiled by her side. "The Dementor in the shape of your mother-in-law has sucked enough life out of me today. Plus, fat Rose makes me feel good about myself."

"You wish you looked this good at 30 weeks." Rose smiled, throwing a lock of her golden hair past her shoulders.

"Couldn't have me feeling nice, could you?" Angie asked deadly serious, while I walked away laughing.

Carlisle waited for me with a smug in his lips.

"What are you smiling about?" I teased him.

"It's good to see you girls together again," He said as some form of greeting, opening his arms. "Hi, darling."

"Hi," I smiled, engulfed by his hug. "It feels good to be back."

"How are you doing?"

"I'm fine," I said. "Better now that he's awake."

"Yeah, what a long night, hm?"

"The longest." Together, we entered the room. "Hey," I murmured when I found his green eyes looking at me.

"Hey," Edward said, smiling back. He was now in a half sitting on the bed. "Is everything ok?"

"Yes, what about you?" I approached him. "Got your coffee?" I teased.

"I wish," He smiled, putting his arm around me once I got closer enough. I could feel Esme watching us like a hawk. I caressed his forehead and he winced. "They got me water and some pills for my migraine, that are probably going to knock me down."

"As it should," Emm stated, rising from his place on the couch, smiling at us. "You have to sleep. It's the only way your body will..."

"Recover, I know." Edward rolled his eyes.

"Hey, don't blame me for your tick skull." Emmet joked. He got a hold of Edward's hand and they shared a meaningful glare. "You're good?"

"I am." Edward smiled slightly at him, while Esme watched their interaction.

"Good. You need to sleep and you won't be able to do it so with all of us around." He looked at me. "I'm taking mom and dad to lunch and-"

"I'm not going anywhere." Esme hissed.

"Yes mom, you are." Emmett snapped back. "Edward needs to rest and you and father need to eat – what that you haven't done in twelve hours. So, Rose and I are taking you both to lunch."

She stared at him, completely bewildered – and a little offended. Well, Emmett sure had grown outside of his mothers wings.

I was glad.

"Where's Rose by the way?" Edward asked, unaware of the tension in the room.

We all looked nervously at each other, but Emmett was ready for this question. "She's trapped at work," He answered. "But she'll be here as soon as she can."

Edward smiled widely. "She'd better not be expecting inherited anything with that behavior."

I laughed alongside Emmett. "I'm glad to see that after a long nap, your sense of humor and your lack of self-preservation are still intact." He smiled. "Bells, we'll be back before the doctors come. But if anything changes…"

"…I'll call you." Kissing my cheek and patting Edward's shoulder, he walked out glancing at his parents. "I'm waiting for you outside."

"He's right Es," Carlisle stepped closer. "Edward has to sleep. We'll be right back, ok?" He said touching Edward's arm and he nodded, looking at Esme.

"Go, mom." He smiled tenderly at her. "I'll be right here when you come back." Defeated, she kissed Edward's cheek.

"You better." Without looking at me, she walked out.

"You're welcome." Carlisle mouthed to me with a smile, winking and closing the door.

"Well, I didn't though she would accept it so easily." I smiled at Edward, taking his extended hand.

"You look tired," He said, pulling me closer.

"I am," I blinked slowly, getting closer enough to kiss him. "You look tired, too."

I couldn't stop my body to feeling this crazy attraction to his – we gravitated towards each other, It's been like this between us since the first kiss. I held his face between my hands, kissing him lightly and feeling his warm mouth on mine, his taste in my lips. The kiss deepened itself – suddenly were glued to each other, his tongue invading me, our teeth clashing."Bella…" He moaned, breaking the kiss to catch a breath.

"I love you," I whispered, touching our foreheads. "Nothing else matters to me, ok? Just you." I had no idea where that had come from, but I just had to make this clear – maybe more for me than for him: I didn't care about Esme or about how hard this was going to be; if there was a chance that this was going to work, I would stay.

"I know, baby." He said, kissing me again. "I know, me too, just you." We kissed and kissed, whispering I love you's and forgetting about where we are. I got up in the bed by his side, hugging his body and feeling him alive under my hands, relishing in his warmth, in the beat of his heart.

Edward was alive, here, with me.

"You really should sleep," I said, caressing the skin under his eyes and kissing him lightly, once again.

"I know." He murmured, eyes closing. "I will as soon as those pills the nurse gave me kick in. Those things were the size of grapes." I laughed at his babbling. "When can we go home?"

"Not for a while, babe." The fact that he said "we" didn't passed unnoticed by me. Edward was starting to drift off. "Don't you worry about that."

He mumbled something else, sighing deeply and just like that he had fallen asleep again. I sat up, thinking about his request to go home. After I left our condo in Seattle, I moved to the summer house we had in Portland and never looked back. He promised me that he wouldn't bother me again and he didn't - I didn't have a clue about his whereabouts until now.

It was surreal, to say the least, to be here right now kissing and loving him, ready to take him back in my life after everything we've been through. Two soft knocks on the door, brought me back and Angie walked in.

"Hey," She waved the bagel in her hand. "Can I come in?"

"Of course," I smiled, climbing down the bed. "He's asleep." Angela rested the food in the table at the foot of the bed, and stepped closer to my sleeping husband.

"Jesus, he wrecked himself this time." She bended to kiss his forehead. "Dumbass." Angie spoke fondly - they have always been close; teasing each other and joking around. "You're hungry?" She took a step back, pointing to the coffee and a warm bagel and joining me by the couch.

I let her entertain me with her little adventures of last night while we ate; it felt good to have my sister by my side. She got up to discard our used containers and came back with a much serious face.

"How are you, Bells?"

I sighed without knowing how to answer her. "I'm ok." I played with my hands. "I mean, this is unbelievable,"

"It is." She agreed.

"I'm trying to deal with one thing at a time and not freak out over the whole picture." I shrugged. "I'm scared and blindfolded right now, which goes right against al of my control tendencies, but… He's here, and alive. That's been my silver lining."

That's was it. We could deal with the rest.

"I'm glad his alive, I don't need to say that" She smiled. "And I mean what I said: I got your back, no matter what."

"I know that," I reached for her hand. "Right now there's not much to do, we've to wait for the doctors to find out more about, well… everything."

"Have you called mom yet?" Angie asked with smile in her voice.

"Oh yeah right," I laughed, resting my head on the couch. "She's going to have a heart attack – after she had her share of screaming over the phone." My sister laughed wholeheartedly. "I'm not calling her until I have Edward at home, at least. What can she do from all the way in Florida, anyway?"

"Freak the fuck out, that's what she can do."

That's was the reason I understood Esme ways – I had another one of her at home. Time passed surprisingly fast with my sister by my side; an hour later, Emmett was knocking on Edward's room, his sweet smile appearing on the doorway.

"We're back." He announced, without completely open the door. "Can we come in?"

"Of course." I said, getting up. "How's lunch?"

"Stressful." He answered, winning a scowl from Esme that gotten into the room right behind him. "How was him? Did the doctors come by?"

"He's fine, has been asleep since you guys left. And Dr. Jane hasn't come by yet."

"Good," He said, looking at his watch, "She'll probably be here soon."

Esme had already taken her place in the chair besides Edward's bed, holding his hand in hers, smug until on place. I resisted to the urge to roll my eyes, and focused on Emmett instead.

"Do you think they will want to talk to us first?"

"Yes," That worried me - how much could I help? I knew nothing about Edward's life for the last three years. Emm touched my shoulder lightly, sensing my nerves. "Don't worry; they'll probably want to know the main facts about his life. I'll be there with you if you want me too."

I squeezed his hand lightly.

"I'm just not sure about how much I can help."

"You've helped enough." Esme's dry voice cut into our talk. "You have nothing to do here. We have all appreciated your help, but this is a family matter."

I looked at her, gapping like a fish. I wasn't shocked by her words - I was shocked by her lack of tact of saying it with Edward at an earshot.

"Mom…" Emmett started but I waved, efficiently cutting him.

"I am his family, Esme. You like it or not." I declared firmly. "Right now, there's nothing more important for me than your son's wellbeing."

"Family?" Her words dripped with sarcasm. "You have no idea what this word means."

"That's enough, mom." Emmett said loudly, and her angry glare moved to him. "Bella is Edward's wife, legally and in any other away."

The air was tense while Esme stared from Emmett to me, probably trying to come up with another flow of venom. Fine by me – I was no longer the naïve girl she had met ten years ago.

"Esme," I said calmly. "I know you hate me. Do it, I don't care – but you have to understand that I'm not going anywhere." I knew I was begging for a bad reaction, but if that's how it was going to be, I wanted to get with it out of the way. The last thing I possibly need was to live with Esme's passive/aggressive attacks: not around Edward, and not right now.

Her mouth opened to respond me, but the silence was broke by soft knocks on the door. Dr. Jane appeared, smiling softly at us.

"Excuse me," She smiled entering the room, followed by a couple of doctors dressed in scrubs.

"Hi, Dr. Jane, please come in." I stepped closer, shaking hands with her. "These are Dr. and Mrs. Cullen, Edward's parents. You've met my brother in law, Emmett."

"Hello, my name is Dr. Jane Volturi. I've been following Mr. Cullen case since he was admitted at the emergency." Stepping aside she continued, while shaking hands. "Allow me to introduce Dr. Riley Biers and Dr Bree Tanner." She motioned to the young man besides her. "Dr. Biers is Neurologist and also has been following the case from the begging."

"I'm very sorry for what you all have been through, but Mr. Cullen was very lucky." Dr. Biers said softly, shaking my hand. "Today I'll be performing a series of exams on him with the help of Dr. Tanner. Hopefully, we will be able to help."

Following the cue, Dr. Jane continued.

"Dr. Bree Tanner was invited by Dr. Biers to work with us in Edward's case." Dr. Tanner was almost as short and young as Dr. Jane, but with a much friendlier face. "She's one of the heads of the psychology board at our hospital and has been working with amnesia patients exclusively for a quite some time."

"Nice to meet you," I said smiling at her. "Thank you for coming."

"It's my pleasure," She said back, smiling at or family. "I've admired Dr. Cullen's work for a while now," She smiled at my father in law. "It's an honor to meet you, Dr. Cullen, your son is in good hands."

Carlisle and Emmett launched themselves in all kinds of medical questions, and I took a step back, glancing at Edward sleeping peaceful. He looked… Beaten. Not only physically, and the worried me the most. How would he deal with the true?

"Mrs. Cullen?" Dr. Tanner called from the door, making both - me and Esme - look at her at the same time. She smiled politely, but looking at me. "I would like to talk to you while Dr. Biers and Dr. Jane take Mr. Cullen to realize some exams. Would you mind step into my office for a few minutes?"

"Of course," I felt Esme glare burning me. "Whatever I can do to help."


	4. Chapter 4

**Wasted Love**

 **Rating: M -** You guys know why.

 **Disclaimer:** Nothing is mine, except for my dirty thoughts and Desmemoriward.

This chapter is unbetaded, and English is not my first language. Please, keep that in mind.

 **A/N:** Hey, better late than never. This is our biggest and most filled drama chapter to date. Here's to some answers, I'd hope you guys like it.

Thank you very much for the support!

* * *

CHAPTER FOUR

"Do you mind if I accompanied my sister in law?" Emmett stepped between me and Dr. Tanner. "I believe that there are some gaps that I may be able to fill."

"Of course not, as long as she is…" Her sentence was interrupted by a petrifying scream, startling all of us, coming from Edward's bed.

The air got stuck in my lungs. I glanced at his direction; his eyes snapped open but it was like he couldn't see me. He sat up straight, pulling tubes and cables with him in the process, groaning with pain when his body caught up with his reaction. In a nanosecond, everyone moved; Esme, Emmett and Carlisle were instantly by his side, trying to hold back a bustling Edward.

"Son, calm down!" Carlisle's voice was calm and loud, but inefficient.

"Bella, Bella!" Edward shouted. "She must be hurt! Where is she? She must be hurt!"

Me? Hurt? Unlikely everyone else in the room who moved into Edward's direction, I was still on the same spot, frozen with fear, unable to move.

"Dude, calm down," Emmett firmly pushed Edward back into a laying position. "Bella is right here. Everything's fine, you were just dreaming."

"Where is she?" He tried to get up once more and Carlisle glared at me, obliging me out of my torpor.

I took one step after another until I reached his bed.

"Baby," I said softly, my voice just a ghost. "I'm right here." His frantic eyes found mine and I saw all the despair I heard in his scream.

"Oh, thank God." Edward moved his hand to reach me, but it was stuck between IV's; he hissed. I got closer, careful to not touch anything but him and sat by his side. "Are you ok?"

"I am." I assured him, caressing his face. "Do you remember where you are?"

"I…Think." He closed his eyes, and shaking his head, went silent for a few moments. "I'm at the hospital." His eyes darted between me and Emm.

"Yes, do you remember why?" I continued.

"I was in a..." Suddenly his eyes snapped to mine, his body tensing. "Fuck, I think I remember the accident."

"You do?" Emmet inquired, stepping closer. "What do you remember?"

"I think I do," He looked at his brother. "I remember the rain; it was too dark for me to see. I heard the truck, but it was too late, it was close. Then I couldn't move my legs, it was fucking cold, I…" He shivered, glancing at me. "I couldn't find Bella. Why weren't you with me?"

"You went out by yourself," I ran my hand smoothly through his hair, a motion meant to calm him. "I was at home when I got a call from the Hospital. You dreamed that I was there with you, but I wasn't. I am ok, you see?" I held my arms up and faked a smile for good measure. He bought it, and I relaxed. "You hit your head pretty hard." He nodded, closing his eyes and leading into my touch.

"Hi, Mr. Cullen," Dr. Jane approached carefully. "My Name is Jane Volturi; I've been taking care of your case since you got admitted here, at the Seattle General. How do you feel?"

"My head hurts," His voice was soft. "I'm very confused."

"That's normal," She got closer, checking his eyes and cognitives responses. "Just the fact that you remember the accident its a sign that your brain just needs some time to recover. What else do you remember?"

"Not much," Edwards hand kept me steady by his side. "It's all fuzzy. I don't even know if what recall is really the accident, it kind feels like a dream."

"It will comeback." She assured with a smile. "It's been roughly 72 hours, Mr. Cullen. Right now, you must focus on rest and give it time."

"What about my leg?"

"Well, it's going to demand some physiotherapy but it should be fine." She smiled, gesturing to the two doctors that waited on the door of the bed. "But we will talk more about that later. Now, I would like to introduce you to Dr. Bree Tanner and Dr. Riley Biers," They exchanged handshakes. "Together we are working on getting a clear image of what's happening inside your brain after the concussion. You were very lucky, Mr. Cullen."

"I don't feel lucky," he smirked, touching his ribs slightly.

"But you were," Dr. Jane continued. "Right now we would like to take advantage of the fact that you are conscious and perform some exams, if you don't mind." Edward nodded, and the doctors started to unhook his AV's and his bed. "Dr. Cullen would you like to accompanying us?" She said, regarding my father in law.

Carlisle agreed immediately, helping the doctors to roll Edward out of the room.

"You're not coming?" Edward clutched my hand, eyes still on me.

"No, it's better to have your father in there with you. I'll be here when you get back." He nodded, but didn't let go, so, not giving two fucks about Esme, I leaned on and pecked his lips. "Go." I said sternly and he smiled before they rolled him out.

After they cleared out, the room fell dead silent.

I could feel Esme staring at me and I was about to glare at her back when I heard my name being called. "Mrs. Cullen?" Dr. Tanner smiled motioning out; I had completely forgotten about our talk.

"Yes, I'm sorry," I regarded Emmett. "You are coming?"

"Of course." He said, following us out.

* * *

She guided us to a big, but simple office; books adorned the side walls, sharing space with multiple framed degrees.

"Please sit down. Mrs. Cullen, Dr. Cullen." She smiled lightly. "It must get confuse having two Dr. Cullen's at the same family, yet the same hospital."

"It does," He smiled. "So, please call me Emmett." Nodding, she took her place across from of us.

"Well, Dr. Jane asked me to fill you both in our next steps, but let's start from the begging, shall we?" We nodded as she opened Edward's chart. "Mr. Edward Cullen, was admitted at the Seattle General, at 2:15 AM, Thursday." She started reading. "He was conscious - albeit confuse; had multiple rib fractures, one of which caused internal bleeding. He had a fracture at his left fibula, and a severe concussion. He went through two distinct surgeries, one to cease the internal bleeding and another to stabilize his leg; both went well and his recover until now seems to be stellar, aside from the amnesia." She closed the chart, regarding at us. "Today, alongside Dr. Biers, Dr. Jane is about to conduct more specifics neurological exams in Mr. Cullen. They're looking for something that can tell us why his brain has blocked part of its memories." She took a deep breath. "The reason for this exams, and also the why I was invited to work on Mr. Cullen's case, it's the fact that his firsts CT Scan and EEG came back normal; that could be the sign of a psychological trauma rather than a physical one."

Psychological? I looked at Emmett, hoping he could enlighten me – but he was deep down in his own doubts. "I thought temporary memory loss was to be expected in a trauma like his." He inquired after a few seconds.

"Yes, it is." Dr. Tanner continued. "Most traumatized brains produce some sort of short-term retrograde amnesia, but based on Dr. Jane reports, and on my own observations, his brain seemed to have regressed years back in time. To erase that much memory, either his medial temporal lobes or hippocampus should be damaged."

"And if his scans came back normal they could hardly be." Emmett concluded.

"Yes," Dr. Tanner nodded. "Above that Dr. Emmett, in ten years in field, I've never had a retrograde amnesia patient who remembered the trauma. That's why I don't think that this is a simple case of a temporary loss. That said, Dr. Jane wants to cover all the bases; the physical exams are being performed so we can assure that there's nothing physically wrong with his brain, and I would like your help to determine how much of his life his brain has blocked; that way I can try to paint a picture of what is going on with his brain psychologically. I would like to know more about his life, any relevant moments… anything that you two find useful for me to get to know him better."

Dr. Tanner looked at me, but by now, I felt more like an observant than a participant in this conversation.

I looked at Emmett for help, once again. "Well," Emmett cleared his throat, before start. "We had a regular childhood; great parents, good schools, good friends. Edward was a little more reserved than me but nonetheless. When Edward was 15 years old and I was 18, our father got a job in Seattle; we're in a serious Seahawks phase, so we were excited to move here." He shrugged. "Edward went to Yale, but moved back home right after graduating."

Dr. Tanner nodded, taking notes. "What about any significant relationships?"

"He had a few girlfriends in high school and college, but nothing serious." Emmett shrugged. "Edward was very focused on his studies. He's always been very goal oriented." Emmett smiled. "He majored in Computer science, and loved what he did. Edward was always a quiet, easy going guy, Dr. Tanner, and nothing really rocked his world until he met Bella." Emmett finished, looking at me.

I weighed his words; had I really done that? We were so consumed in what we felt when together, that I had never stopped to think consciously about how deep we affected each other.

Dr. Tanner called my attention. "How did you two met, Mrs. Cullen?"

"Bella, please," I asked. "We met in a bar where I used to work as a bartend, while in college. Edward was there in a bad blind date," I smiled, thinking about the fact that Edward always told this story saying that it was my fault that he date went badly; because he saw me from his table and couldn't think of anything else for the rest of the night. "Instead of staying put in his table, he spent the night stealing moments at the bar and talking my ear off." The sweet memories of Edward on that grey shirt, finding excuses to come to the bar over and over, tightened my heart. "He asked me out at the end of the night but I wasn't having it – that didn't stop him though; he came again night after night until I said yes, and, we were married within a year."

Dr. Tanner smiled at my story, letting her pen aside for a moment. "I'm aware that the two of you were going through a rough path for the past years.'' Her tone was inquiring but she didn't say anything more, letting me to elaborate.

I knew that Emmett had briefed Dr. Jane on the matter of our separation during the diagnostic of amnesia, and also that she probably briefed Dr. Tanner too. "Yes, we were." I whispered, feeling the lump on my throat and looking at my lap to focus in anything but it. "We've been apart for a couple of years."

I felt Emmett's hand slipping into mine, and I held it tight.

"Mrs. Cullen - Bella." Dr. Tanner said, regarding me with a smile. "I don't mean to pry, and I know that this is hard but the most you can tell me, the better will be. I have to know what happened in his life before in order to understand what is happening to him now."

I gathered the courage to speak about the subjects I avoided to even thinking about, afraid that it was going to open a floodgate that I just wasn't going be able to stop. Right now, I didn't have an option.

"Edward and I were together for six years," I started. "The first couple of years of our marriage were the best of my life; He was… Everything." I struggled to find the word. "Edward was starting his tech company and I was starting my own business but even with all that happening, we made it work." It was all I could come up – I was myself still trying to understand where we had gone so wrong. "We took a trip to Greece to celebrate our anniversary and I ended up throwing up the whole time," I smiled absently. "At first we thought it was the heat, maybe a really bad jet leg, but after realizing that I've been missing my period for couple of months, we found that we're pregnant." My words were small and broken – as I felt. "We were on the top of the world, but at 26 weeks I lost the baby. Our health seemed perfect, but the baby's heart didn't form properly and it just stopped living." The room was in silence for a few moments, and I appreciated the time to regroup. "It was by far the worst time of our lives. Our families were fully involved; we had a sex, a name, a filled room... it wrecked us up. We could never go back to the way we were before."

"I'm sorry for your loss, Bella." Dr. Tanner said after a minute. "When did that happen?"

"Five years ago. ," I muttered.

"And how Edward took the loss?"

"He was… crushed." I confessed. "Trying to deal with his own lost while helping me deal with mine but, as hard as it was, we kept going. The doctor said that we could try for another baby in six months, so we decided to not prevent against another pregnancy and let things run freely but… Unfortunately, it wasn't the last time that we faced miscarriage; it happened two more times in the course of the next years, and it consumed us completely." I let out a sigh. "I was feeling like a failed Edward, he certainly felt the same and we just weren't happy anymore. By the time I left him, we had grown completely apart; we were back to working too much, barely talking and spend most of our time away from each other. I couldn't live like that, so we… moved on." I scoffed. "Badly, it seems."

I looked up to Emmett and his eyes were shocked and sad; that were things that he didn't know – or anyone else but me and Edward until now. Dr. Tanner stopped writing for a moment, but didn't say anything and as I resumed the talking she resumed the writing.

"We didn't tell anyone about the last two miscarriages because, after the first one, we figured out that the less people knew the less people would suffer. I already couldn't deal with the pity and sympathy I saw in the nurses and doctors faces, much less with our family. I choose to suffer and silence and Edward went along with it." I averted my eyes from Emm's heartbroken expression.

"And he didn't seem to remember any of that?" Dr. Tanner inquired softly.

"I don't think so," I shrugged. "It's not like I approached the subject but, I believe that given the situation, he would say something."

"He doesn't seem to recall the separation either?"

"No." I answered. "We did never fill for a divorce, but to be honest until I got the call from the hospital, I haven't heard about Edward in almost three years. and I can't help to fill the blank for this years."

"None of us can." Emmett, find his voice again. "After their separation, my brother sold his part of the company, his apartment, went to get some crazy traveling experience that, looking back now, sounds like a attempt to distance himself further." Emmett ran his hand through his hair. "He called from time to time, but that was it. About six months ago he showed up, saying that he was back but we had barely seen him - especially after he found out that my wife was pregnant. All I know it's that he was starting a new business in town, and sounded like he was back to his old ways of working 24/7. "

"I'm sorry, Emm." Once again, I was confronted about how much Edward's had changed after I left him.

Emm smiled sadly at me and patted my knee. "It's not your fault, Bells."

It felt like it was.

We felt in silent again, and Dr. Tanner rested her pen. "Emmett, Bella. I think we've gathered enough information for me to be even more comfortable about my diagnosis now, but, I prefer to discuss everything with the team first." She regarded us sympathetically and Emmett got up, pulling my chair as he did. "Thank you both for being so forthcoming in sharing everything that you could. I promise that we'll do everything in our power to help."

"Thank you." We said in unison, and as Emmett shook hands with Dr. Tanner, I started to walk in the direction of the room.

Emmett was going to want to talk, and I couldn't do that right now – not if I was going to face Edward.

"Bells," I heard him calling me and I quickened my pace; I could feel my eyes welling up and my throat getting tighter just by the thought of Emmett's sweet words. "Bells please wait!"

He reached me in no time, and before I could think I was enveloped by big strong arms. "Bella…" He whispered while I hugged him back, trying with all my power to not start to balling like a baby.

"Emm, please, don't." I choked out. "I can't deal with this right now."

"Ok." It was all he said while we stood in the middle of the hospital alley, hugging until my heart stopped trying to run away from my chest.

* * *

Almost two hours passed until Edward and the doctors finally returned.

Carlisle stood by the door, talking quietly with Dr. Jane as the nurses rolled Edward in. He was sound asleep, but I could see that the bandage on his head had been replaced, as had the one on his ribs.

Dr. Jane informed us that everything went great and she would talk to us further in the morning.

"How it was, Dad?" Emmett said sitting beside his father on the couch, after she left.

Carlisle sighed heavily while undoing his tie. "It was hard to watch," He stated. "He is a tough one, though, he didn't complain once. They did a full battery of exams; by the end he was so worn out that he fell asleep before they even gave him any medicine."

I got closer to the bed, sitting on the edge, so I could run my hand through his hair; he moved unconsciously, turning his head on the direction of my hand. Esme sighed frustrated from her place across from me, but I choose to ignore her.

"Was any of it helpful?" Emm askedl.

"It was, actually. We could conclude that there's nothing physically wrong with his brain. I mean, he does have a fractured skull so, pain and other symptoms are to be expected, but there's no swelling, no damage to the temporal lobes…"

"No physical damage?"

"None," Carlisle confirmed. "He's actually recovering remarkably quickly. At this pace, Dr. Jane thinks he could be home by the weekend. Wherever that it is causing the amnesia, must psychological."

"That's what Dr. Tanner thinks too." Emmet echoed.

"Anyway," Carlisle said after a few moments. "He probably will be out like a light until tomorrow but I think I'm going stay put tonight. I want to be here when he wakes up."

"Me too, I will stay with you." I volunteered immediately.

"No, you're coming home with me." Rose commanded, appearing on the threshold. "Emmett will stay with his parents."

"Rose, I…" I started to protest, but what should I say? I haven't left Edward's side since I thought he was dead and now that you want me to be alone, and i don't know if I can handle?

"Bella, you've been here for more 16 hours." She stopped me. "You need to shower, eat something and sleep. This it's not up to discussion, you're going home with me."

"Go with Rose." Emmett argued. "He won't be up till morning and I'll call you if anything changes. I promise."

I looked between Emmett and Rose, then to Edward asleep by my side.

I knew that they were right; I would be of better help if I was rested instead of cranky and sleepless but, this irrational side of me that felt like he was going to disappear again in the moment I left him out of my sight, was blocking all my common sense.

"He will be here tomorrow, honey." Rose whispered, and I noticed that she was now by my side and apparently, reading my mind. "He won't go anywhere. Let's go."

I kissed Edward lightly on the forehead, before saying my goodbyes and gathering my stuff, I followed Rose outside the room.

Angela waited on the hall, messing around on her phone. "You are going?" She smiled to us.

"If I'm forcing her to go home with me, to eat something and sleep? Yes I am." Rose smiled back, wobbling to the elevator. "Come with us."

"Good, someone has to." Angie frowned. "Thanks for the invitstion Rose, but I think I'm going to head back home and put our employees on the loop of everything that it's going on. After all, we are going to have a busy week without you."

I smile gratefully; Angie was my right hand at the Studio, since the beginning. I stared my business in bridal fashion less than a decade ago, but our name was starting to set a ground - something I've been dreaming about since I was bringing coffee and making calls to other designers.

"Thank you, Angie." I hugged her. "I'll find a way to go there at least for a few minutes..."

"Don't even think about it." She chided. "Take care of your dumbass of a husband, worry about yourself and I'll stop by tomorrow to update you, ok?"

I agreed, the proportion of the last hours starting to catch up with me - and making me feel hopeful under the prospect of a soft bed waiting. The elevator arrived and dead on my feet, I followed Rose and Angie.

"This was delicious," I grinned at Rose, popping the last piece of her heavenly homemade pizza rolls in my mouth. We were sitting in her dinner room, taking advantage of the last hour to catch up; I've put her up to how much Swan's Bride had grown, and how dull my work-home-work life has been in the last couple of years, while she confided about leaving her position at the museum to stay home with the baby in their first year.

"I've cried and cried, overthinking this decision since I found out about the baby," She mumbled. "But somehow Emmett made me realize that what I wanted was more important then what people think of me. If I ever choose to go back to work, we will find a way, but for right now, this feels right."

"You look happy," I smiled, feeling lighter by the moment.

"I am," She grinned, running her hand over her bump. "This kid has been given the shots for the last 35 weeks, but I've never been so pleased to give up on control."

"How do you feel?" I said, reaching out to touch her belly. The baby kicked my hand, making us smile. "Only 5 weeks to go."

"Well, given that I haven't slept through a whole night for the last 10 weeks, I can't wait to get this kid out." Her eyes softened. "And I can't wait to hold him or her, either."

"I can imagine." I grinned, genuinely content for my friend. This was something that every woman deserved to experience. "Didn't you guys wanted to found out the sex?"

"Emmett wanted to know, but I didn't." She shrugged. "We don't get very good surprises in life you know? I can't help but wanting to live this one to the max."

"I get it." I glanced at Rose, and she was biting her cheek – an old Rosalie tale of when she wanted to say something but she felt like she shouldn't. "What it is?"

"What is what?" She replied, looking everywhere but me.

"Don't play dumb." I faked a frown and she sighed heavily, both of her hands resting over her belly, while she looked down her feet.

"I don't know what our limits in this topic are," She admited sincerely. "I want to talk about it, especially because you're my only friend who has experienced pregnancy before, but the last thing I want is to hurt your feelings or too remind you of something that you don't want."

"Rose," I whispered sadly. "I'm so sorry that I got so closed up in my head that you feel like you can't talk to me about such an important moment in your life." She stared at me, her big blue eyes wide as a deer caught in the headlight. "Remind me of my pregnancy it's never a bad thing, it was the happiest time of my life, even if ended badly; and talk to me about yours, ask questions, compare and share what you are living, it's not bad thing either. There's no else I would love more to this with than you – God forbid Angela to listen this." Rose snort-laughed, in a very unladylike but very Rosalie-like way. "I don't want you to refrain for even a second to live any of this happiness because of feelings of guilt about me, Edward or our baby. This is your moment and I couldn't be happier for you."

"How?" Rose asked, her eyes know shining with tears. "How can you be happy for me? How can you not hate me right now? I wouldn't be able to even look at you twice, if I was in your shoes. Edward wasn't." She whipped the tears away, and I saw how hurt she was. How could I ever be so obnoxious to believe that our problems wouldn't affect the ones around us? "You should've seen the way he looked at me, Bells, like he couldnt believe it - as if we just slapped him in the face - and I don't even think he noticed." Rosalie's voice failed. "He never showed up again after the day he found out we were expecting. Emmet has been driving himself crazy because of it."

"Rose," I reasoned, covering her hand with mine. "If Edward was anything like me, he wasn't himself after everything we went through. He could never hate you or Emmett, you must know that. He was just hurt Rose, probably feeling a little cheated by life. Please, don't feel like that."

"Is this how you feel? Cheated by life?" She muttered.

"I don't know, maybe in some level. Our first years together were so good… I couldn't believe someone could be that happy." I shrugged. "When it ended the way it did, it felt like karma coming to balance things out; it felt like that kind of happiness never really belonged to me."

"But it did, honey. You deserved it back then and you deserve it now, you must know that." Rose echoed my words, seeing right through my bullshit, as usually. I didn't have to tell her that I was feeling out of place, like a phony, pretending to be something that I was not by Edward's side. "Bella, you have the right to stay by his side and more than that: he needs you by his side. You were given a second chance to choose between stay or go, and this time, you choose to stay – that says something. There's hope."

"I wish I didn't deal with things the way I did when we broke up," I admitted. "But I did what I had to do to stay sane, I'm not sure at which cost."

"Nobody's blames you for it." She whispered, sympathetic.

"Have you met my mother-in-law?" I grinned, joking.

"Esme can't see a palm ahead of her own nose." Rose rolled her eyes. "Don't worry about her, she will see through this tantrum she's throwing; Carlisle will make sure of it."

"I'm not worried about her."I stated; Esme was the least of my problems.

"What are you worrying about then?" That was the million dollars question.

"Everything." I murmured. "Edward foremost, but everything; how we will deliver the news to him, how will he react... Where do we stand now. My mind is all over the place, freaking out."

"What about?" Rose encouraged.

"Actually, I don't know what I am more scared of," I confessed. "I'm afraid that Edward will remember everything and fucking hating me for it; and I'm afraid that he won't remember a thing, and that I'll have to remind him of how it was to lose our girl."

My last words went out as whisper.

"Baby, I get it, but you're going so ahead of yourself here; remember about your resolution to not overthink things?" I nodded. "Stick with it - you have to. Right now, the situation is more complicated then you can think of, let alone overthink it. Just take one day at a time."

Rose was right – I could lay awake overthinking the hundred ways this whole situation could go, but it was unpredictable. The best I could do was to take a step at a time.

I smiled at her and she smiled back - but as her smile turned into a huge yawn, mine turned into a full laughter. I gathered our plates, coerced Rose up to bed and after loading the dishwasher, I walked back to the guest's room, feeling pretty drained myself.

The last thought that crossed my mind before I fell asleep, was a bittersweet memory: a goofing Edward smiling at me, while choosing baby sundresses in a kid's store.


End file.
